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make it tenAnkabuki is the Pied Piper of Crazy. It must be so. I've been chillin' at home, reading tons of books, minding my own for months now. This weekend the Kabuki comes to town and all hell breaks loose.
She arrived on Friday but was hanging with her other homies that night (or should I say disrupting their lives in a deep and permanent way) so we all made plans for Saturday. I started out Saturday in a wholesome, productive way by finally hauling my lazy ass down to the Home Depot on Hamilton to pick up a cordless drill (ooh!) and a DustBuster (ahh!). Instead I managed to find the drill I wanted for sale in a combo package of the drill + a hand vac (ohh!). I finished up and went home where A met me and then we called K-dub and made a plan to meet her at Uncle Nick's for some flaming cheese.
Uncle Nick's is famous, amongst my friends anyway, for this flaming cheese. They take a wedge of cheese coated in a thin layer of some kind of breading and when they bring it to you they douse it in alcohol and set it on fire. It's quite a crowd pleaser. However when your waiter is higher than Cheech and Chong, it's also a little scary. He got everything right somehow, and in a timely enough fashion considering he had to come back to our table every 15 minutes to reconfirm our orders and whisper "Ai, mami..." into K-dub's ear. Seriously.
Somewhere around dessert, Anca and I began to notice that K-dub was a lot drunker than her share of one bottle of wine should have made her. She confessed that a lack of food all day plus a couple of beers before we met up with her might have had something to do with that. Therefore after the wine with dinner and a shot of ouzo with coffee, she was ready to go home and pass out. Anca was having none of that however and ushered us off to the Bellevue, even thought it was Saturday and neither Tony nor Shay would be there. But Anca demanded Bellevue so Bellevue she would have.
It started out normally enough. We got our Bud Lites, Anca regaled us with tales of her badass reputation at school, K-dub worked up a slight addiction to the creepy new video game that replaced the golf game, K-dub somehow became more sober for a while, giving us a chance to catch up with her, and we were all having a really good time. I'm not gonna lie, there was a distinct "I sure wouldn't mind meeting a cute boy" vibe going on in all three of us, but no one imagined that it was actually palpable. But how else to account for what happened sometime after midnight? This guy who looked like if Jimmy Fallon and Jason Patric had a baby walked up to K-dub and said "I'll give you $5 if you kiss me." Yes, really. But the best part, the absolute best part is that as Anca and I are hysterically laughing, K looks up at him and says "Make it ten." And so he hands her $10 and they get up and move to the end of the bar and kiss like rockstars. Then Jimmy Patric buys Anca and K another round (I was playing stealth drinker that night, seemingly keeping up but really drinking at my own slow and steady pace) and they buy him a drink and he eventually leaves for Siberia (the bar, not the gulag) with his homies but not before giving K-dub his digits. Slick, right?
K-dub finally had enough as it came up on 4am but Anca and I were in for the long haul. How long exactly we didn't realize until it was after 4 and Christine still hadn't said last call. We waited and waited, enjoying our good fortune, then finally asked what was up. Time change! A whole extra hour for carousing. Sometime around then I started noticing this guy, cute, tall, with both arms covered in tattoos, sort of hovering behind Anca. He sat down on the stool next to her and was totally trying to strike up a conversation but she kept turning around to talk to me. Finally, the late hour and my growing lack of inhibitions caused me to give her an ultimatum. "I am going to talk to this guy sitting on the other side of me so that you will be forced to talk to HoverDude for lack of anything else to do." So I turned to the young man on my right and said "Hi, you should talk to me so my friend can talk to the guy sitting on the other side of her." And he said "That guy is my best friend, and that's why I came over here, so he could talk to your friend." Hey, your peanut butter's in my chocolate!
Thus Guy To My Right, who I shall call Ulysses, and I struck up a lively conversation (which Anca referred to the next day as "the coolest conversation I've ever heard. At 4am at the Bellevue.") while we waited for our respective friends to get it on. Unfortunately, for both Anca and HoverDude who doesn't know what he missed, HoverDude was too drunk to really hold a conversation of any kind. They communicated solely by singing along to Pantera lyrics together which Anca referred to the next day as "the most romantic thing ever." As far as what happened between Ulysses and I, I'll say only this: he was a very nice boy and I'll have to wear a turtleneck to work on Monday. The end.
Posted by beth at October 27, 2002 05:10 PM
Christina Aguilera has nothing on these hootchies!
Posted by: k-dub on October 30, 2002 12:51 PM
